'tis me 'tis me!!!

‘Tis me, tis me. ..just waking as I lay there, abed

How would YOU like me… inside your head?

Said my head to me .. “reach down… reach down ..and shift that gear”

Get up… get up .. come outta here .

I could not move I could not rise

{now …that second part.. you know is lies}

So I laid right back and got right up

When from the hall I hear “wassup”?

“Not me” solemnly says I. 

(You can tell …‘twas another lie)

“Get up .. get up!!” Says he.

“I am I am!!” Says me!!! .. Indeed quite truthfully.

Give me a ride! ( I thought .. NO WAY!!)

I need a ride to go and play.

Or do some other thing

“Okay”, ‘sclaims I , … “I’m coming.”

---- by Richard_the_Wolf on a Sunday Afternoon in June 2015

Tight fitting jeans

Her Profile Picture Was ‘Tight Fittin' Jeans’

 Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 3:09pm ·

She tried to hide it by the faded denim clothes she wore.
But I knew she'd never been astride my wall before.
I felt just like a musketeer, sent to meet a queen
And she knew that I had seen right through,… her ‘tight fittin' jeans’.


I asked her What's a woman, … like you,.. doin' around here?
I see you're used to real life. Can I buy you a virtual beer?
She said you've got me figured out, and I'm not who I seem
And if you’ve got a mind, I'll tell you 'bout these ‘tight fittin' jeans’.


She said “I married a good man, and I'm not used to poundin’ keys
But I've always dreamed of bein' some handsome biker’s squeeze.
So tonight, I leaving reality. Im here to seek my dreams,
And Wolfie, there's a tiger, in these ‘tight fittin' jeans’ “.


We flirted without conscience, and ‘Wow’ the jokes we knew.
I'm satisfied we did our best, her virtual dreams came true.
As she played out her fantasy, before my eyes it seemed,
A cowgirl biker came alive inside those ‘tight fittin' jeans’.


In my mind she's still a lady, that's all I'm gonna say.
I knew this horse’d been broken by the time we parted ways.
And I know I held more woman than any eyes have ever seen
That night I roled a lady sportin’ ‘tight fittin' jeans’.


Well, now she's back in her world, and I'm still stuck in mine.
But I know that I will always… remember that time.
That a northern cowboy once had held, a lovely virtual dream.
Lord, now I dream of a lady,.. sportin' ‘tight fittin' jeans’.

Thanks to Conway Twitty.

Why BDSM and not Vanilla.

by Richard Wolf on Monday, August 15, 2011 at 3:39pm

Just reading an old bestseller .. called "Games People Play" by Dr. Eric Berne He mentions the fact that infants who are not "stroked" will eventually die. Then he goes on to mention that this phenomenon exists in adults too. If we are not 'stroked' (receive some intimacy) over a long period of time we suffer from "intimacy hunger" or "intimacy starvation". He claims that this need can evolve in various ways . Some people need attention at any cost. Some people become very rebellious. All people require "transactions". Transactions can differ widely. The principle that emerges is that any "transaction" is superior to no transaction at all. Experiments show that "gentle handling and electric shocks were equally effective in promoting the health of animals"
Can you see what I see in the direction this could take. He doesnt say it .. they didnt have the guts or the experience back in the 1970s but he hints that things like rough sex and sado-masochistic behavior may be very effective in meeting some peoples very real NEED to be stroked. He suggests that intimacy starvation may occur as an infant, a child or an adult but that the solution requires much stronger stimulus than if no intimacy starvation had ever happened. .... Hmmm very interesting. Many people have asked me and I have asked the question myself .. why do we gravitate to BDSM. .. I wonder if this has something to do with it.

Too .. evolutionary psychology approaches this with the attitude that it is a natural instinctual behavior that is survival oriented. Males are dominant to control as many females as possible. Females are submissive to survive aggressive males. Those that learn to love it .. survive better. ..And cross wiring is not infrequent ..(may be present in all of us) because of the genetic mixing.
Max.

What do you think?

MORNING WOOD!
Get ready... this is quite possibly one of the funniest true stories I've read in a long while! No matter how many times I read it, I still can't keep the tears away!!!
I caution the weak of heart before reading today's joke... you know who you are... so you might as well hit the "delete" key now...
(The author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toiled seat, or fell right into the toiled because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm such a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding about it. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend, you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy think to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife, I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time."
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are siting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.

Dumbass Questions.

What is the wildest, craziest thing you ever wanted to do but didn't have the courage to follow through? ..

With regards to sex I have tried bdsm, bondage, asphyxiation, and some pretty kinky partners. .. lol .. and Now I know what really turns me on .. and its not any of these kinky things. .. yet in a way .. its all of these kinky things in moderation.

What goals in the arena of sex would you like to accomplish?

I have done many of the wild things people fantasize about. I have no desire to direct a porn movie .. but would love to write a high quality book that takes into account the things I have learned.


In your opinion, what would constitude really outstanding sex?

Great, I mean really really great sex, is about communication and love... communication on an extremely personal level. People who withhold the communication aspect of sex are never satisfied with the act.

You have to want him or her and she has to want you. I mean really hunger for each other. Your partner has to know this. Your job is to trust him/her enough to take the chance and let them know.

Sex should start days before contact with mind games (not mean ones but enticing ones) teasing and verbal insinuations. Some people are able to maintain this kind of sexual communication up constantly making physical contact when it comes .. electric.
This is where you learn how really exciting your partner is. This stage takes courage.

Foreplay is the center, not the build up to really good sex. It should be called Play .. not foreplay. ... Sex is a mind game and this mind game should continue with verbal play throughout. This takes courage.

Sex is about emotions. I can't see how emotionless copulation can be called sex. and btw sex is enhanced by emotions .. Sex immediately after funerals, weddings, etc. is better than usual. Sex when you're mad, or aggressive, or scared will seem better to you. I sometimes thing thats where sadists and masochists get their sexual highs from .. they artificially raise emotions of fear, anger or aggression or humiliation. Laying your emotions out there takes courage. .. lol

Sex is about physical excercise, friction and lubrication. But this is such a "of course" that we dont need to dwell on it. but really great sex is better when the two partys are fit. This doesn't take courage but takes preparation.

Sex is about teamwork and cooperation. Great sex is knowing how to dance with this specific partner.

and really great sex never happens the first time together .. sometimes the second .. but usually takes practice and willing participaction. do reruns. and fun reevaluations.. again .. takes courage.

Great sex is about gratitude and trust. Its about knowing your partner enjoyed it and wants more. Its your job to make sure this gets communicated well.

Great sex takes unselfish courage to take those emotional risks .


What are the qualities you can think of that an ideal woman or man would possess?
Kindness (I dont mean softness or tenderness).

Courage (try new things, step across taboo lines, let his/her partner lead to unknown places .. sometimes)
Confidence (willing to push his/her own comfort level. Concete and confidence are NOT the same thing.)
Joy (a sense of joy and laughter).
Adventure (and eagerness to explore).
Trusting and Trustworthy ( Each partner needs to feel safe, .. emotionally and physically)
Thrust (physically fit).
Beauty ( but remember every woman is beautiful to a man while he is plugged in. Women you would be amazed at how literally true this is)
Genuine, (Looks me in the eye).
Emotionally Expressive. (Still has his little boy in him or for her can squeal with happyness sometimes)
Takes no for an answer. (without the histrionics).
Needs me sometimes. (and guys .. this goes both ways)
Likes people (no raging introverts please)
Gets my humor. (can laugh and make jokes or see humor )
Is strong or gentle as needed (ladies this goes for you too).
Can both listen and talk without trying to change me (not overly judgemental).

Whips cut two ways

(Whips .. have you tried them? Sometimes they can be fun especially with dominance and submission games... Some people cant live without them. Me... I can take them or leave them. For me they are fun as dominance enhancing props. .. a bit more than window dressing for the mind... fantasy enhancing toys..Im not really into pain but can see its limited use .. occasionally. Pain for the sake pain turns me off. The following lets you imagine what I experienced (based on a true-life incident) where the home-made cat-o-nine tails had a very unexpected result.)

Imagine yourself ..naked (always works better if you imagine yourself naked doing this .. with clothes on its not the same!! grin) with sexy velvet and lace collar.. riding me.. taking me deep .. your hands on my chest..your fingers playing in the thin hair you find there .. your hips thrusting forward and back .. your back arched... head back.... breasts thrust out .. pulling your clit up and down on my washboard stomach.. my thick wet glistening cock sliding in and out as you push forward and back .. .. your knees splayed wide sliding in and out over the green satin sheets riding your stallion.. Just then I pull my whip out from under the pillow .. its a short home made cat-o-8 tails .. made from a hair brush handle and leather shoelaces...the whole thing including the handle is about 14 inches long. I take the little "cat" and drag the leather slowly over your breasts...letting you feel the little "cat's" tongues licking your super sensitive naked skin... you feel it on your skin with feelings of mixed excitement, fear, anticipation .. You think you know whats coming but you know its not allways as expected. after dragging the evil little tongues across your breasts and stomach a few times, I lay the cat over your shoulder.. letting you feel its weight... the 'tongues' (about 11 inches long ..8 of them) .. trail down our back between your shoulder blades .. I smile at you putting my hands on your hips and ramming you down making you take me more deeply. "Fuck me" I command in a very serious voice.. as you build closer and closer to orgasm I reach up and lift the handle from your shoulder.. and I slowly draw the cats tongues over your shoulder .. letting them trace down over your breast again ...you forget your building orgasm to let it build on its own without conscious thought while you feel the sensuous touch gently but ominously tracing over your naked skin.... then suddenly I flick my wrist so the fire breathing tongues go "swish" in the air and curls around your hip to leave sharp stinging steaks of fire across your ass cheek .. then my soft finger tips .. taking away the pain ..and you are surprised to find your orgasm was growing to an exciting volume as it picked up speed and force. You hear the "ssssssh" in the air as the tongues reach out again. And again .. except for one time... the stinging streaks of fire, surprise, and shock enhance the feeling of being dominated and taken.. finally it drives you over the edge into the deep chasm of an earth shattering orgasm. ...

I reach up and grip the back of your neck ..pulling you down on my chest while your muscles spasm and tremble uncontrollably in along lingering orgasm.. I hold you tight against my chest .. to come down from your exciting high.

You cant see me biting my lip in pain and swallowing quickly to prevent myself from heaving. I'm trying to overcome the pain from the one time I missed your ass and struck my tender balls. My balls are still on fire. but like any Alpha Male I bite my lip and take it.

Sometimes the whip finds the wrong target!

(This happened to me .. much like this ... and we rolled naked on the bed laughing at my pain. .. I can still remember the fire in my balls .. kinda made me soft for a while.)

The First Morning After

(Ever been there? In the motel ..after fornicating, copulating and thoroughly expending your energy on a repertoire of magical sensual acts.. lasting most of the day and late into the night.. only to be awakened in the morning by a loving partner who knows even more things to do to tickle your deepest animal lusts. The Wolf )

Brenda awakened to darkness, mildly confused. She was naked. She never slept in the nude... Ohhhh. She remembered. Richard. She began to remember more as she came more fully awake. Oh my. . She had never known she had the capacity for such intense eroticism. No, not the capacity. The need. How many orgasms? She'd lost count. Actually removed her panties and touched herself as he instructed. Orgasmed as he instructed. And then, later, when he had let her choose, and she had said she wanted him inside her, when she had begged like a slut in heat. No, not a slut. Just a woman whose soul had been touched, whose desires were fully unleashed. Fuck me, please, she had begged. And he did. Oh God, did he ever. She'd never used that word before. Well, almost never. And never like that. But last night, she'd screamed it over and over. Fuck me. Please fuck me. Whenever he got close to coming himself he had stopped, pulled out, teased her with fingers, lips, tongue, driving her over the edge again and again, before he finally exploded inside her, driving her to one last climax.

The room wasn't dark, she realized suddenly. She was still wearing the blindfold she had worn last night. Ohhh. And when she had needed to pee in the middle of the night, he had led her, naked and blindfolded, to the bathroom. Oh my. Had he watched her? She felt very naked.

She reached up to remove the blindfold. She felt the silk scarves on her wrists. But her hands were free to move. Tentatively, her fingers touched the blindfold.

"Don't," he whispered softly and gently rolled her onto her stomach. "Leave your hands where they are." He kissed her neck. "Sweet Brenda," he whispered. "You're mine. You want to be mine?"

"Yes."

"Thank you for your orgasms. You are beautiful when you come. I want you to come for me now. When you are ready, I'll remove the blindfold. I want to look at your eyes when you come."

"Yesss," she whispered.

His fingers slid across her belly, his hand rested on her mound. She wanted it to move lower. She felt other fingertips trace circles on her neck, on her back, slowly moving lower. His mouth followed, nibbling her neck. His wet tongue sliding across her neck and shoulders. His teeth lightly grazing her nipples. She began to squirm, already becoming aroused by his touch, by the knowledge of what would follow. His hand moved lower, a finger resting on her lips, the base of the finger resting on her clitoris. Not moving. She squirmed against it. His other hand moved under her back. Fingertips tickling her ass cheeks, the back of her thigh. Her legs moved apart. Ohh. Squirming against his hand, her swollen lips parted, almost drawing his finger between them. Her clit grew harder.

He rolled her over on her stomach and began kissing her back. She gripped the sheets tightly in her hands. His fingertips moved back up the back of her thigh, moved to the inside of her thigh, teasing between her legs, the crack of her ass, fluttering lightly over her pussy, lightly scratching up her back, across her neck. He removed the blindfold. She looked back over her shoulder to see him smiling at her. She smiled. He pressed his lips to hers, holding her eyes with his. His fingers moved down over her back. His tongue found hers. They communicated deeply throught that kiss. Holding it then eventually breaking. She gasped as she felt a finger slide between her legs, into her pussy from behind. She was wet. It slid into her easily. His other a hand moved under her hip and soon a second finger slid into her from below. She ground her hips, riding the fingers which penetrated her. She felt his hard cock throb against her hip, felt the drop of moisture at the tip. The hand under her moved up, the finger sliding out of her, spreading her moisture up over her clit. She moaned. A second finger slid in beside the first from behind, filling her again. She moved against the finger on her clit, then arched back to engulf the fingers from behind. She felt herself start to move toward the edge. He gripped her lower lip in his teeth gently, kissing, sucking. He licked her tongue, swirled his tongue around hers. He slid his fingers from her pussy, spreading her wetness over her perineum. A small finger touched her anus. She moaned again. The finger was wet. Gently it pressed into her. Ohhh. She was racing toward the abyss. One finger caressed her clit, spreading wetness over it as she rode it. Another finger gently fucked her tender asshole. Two fingers slid into her pussy. She groaned. Bucked. Fucked his fingers, looking over her shoulder into his eyes, trying to tell him with her eyes what she was feeling. She came. Moaning, sucking his tongue, licking his face, bucking against his fingers. Her spirit soared. Free. When she stopped moving, he withdrew one hand, put his arm around her, leaving the other hand under her, resting on her sensitive flesh, not moving. Gently this time, he kissed her, their eyes still locked together. Gently, he took her hands, reattached the silk scarves to the headboard, and whispered, "Good morning"