With regards to sex I have tried bdsm, bondage, asphyxiation, and some pretty kinky partners. .. lol .. and Now I know what really turns me on .. and its not any of these kinky things. .. yet in a way .. its all of these kinky things in moderation.
What goals in the arena of sex would you like to accomplish?
What goals in the arena of sex would you like to accomplish?
I have done many of the wild things people fantasize about. I have no desire to direct a porn movie .. but would love to write a high quality book that takes into account the things I have learned.
In your opinion, what would constitude really outstanding sex?
Great, I mean really really great sex, is about communication and love... communication on an extremely personal level. People who withhold the communication aspect of sex are never satisfied with the act.
You have to want him or her and she has to want you. I mean really hunger for each other. Your partner has to know this. Your job is to trust him/her enough to take the chance and let them know.
Sex should start days before contact with mind games (not mean ones but enticing ones) teasing and verbal insinuations. Some people are able to maintain this kind of sexual communication up constantly making physical contact when it comes .. electric.
This is where you learn how really exciting your partner is. This stage takes courage.
Foreplay is the center, not the build up to really good sex. It should be called Play .. not foreplay. ... Sex is a mind game and this mind game should continue with verbal play throughout. This takes courage.
Sex is about emotions. I can't see how emotionless copulation can be called sex. and btw sex is enhanced by emotions .. Sex immediately after funerals, weddings, etc. is better than usual. Sex when you're mad, or aggressive, or scared will seem better to you. I sometimes thing thats where sadists and masochists get their sexual highs from .. they artificially raise emotions of fear, anger or aggression or humiliation. Laying your emotions out there takes courage. .. lol
Sex is about physical excercise, friction and lubrication. But this is such a "of course" that we dont need to dwell on it. but really great sex is better when the two partys are fit. This doesn't take courage but takes preparation.
Sex is about teamwork and cooperation. Great sex is knowing how to dance with this specific partner.
and really great sex never happens the first time together .. sometimes the second .. but usually takes practice and willing participaction. do reruns. and fun reevaluations.. again .. takes courage.
Great sex is about gratitude and trust. Its about knowing your partner enjoyed it and wants more. Its your job to make sure this gets communicated well.
Great sex takes unselfish courage to take those emotional risks .
What are the qualities you can think of that an ideal woman or man would possess?
Kindness (I dont mean softness or tenderness).
Courage (try new things, step across taboo lines, let his/her partner lead to unknown places .. sometimes)
Confidence (willing to push his/her own comfort level. Concete and confidence are NOT the same thing.)
Joy (a sense of joy and laughter).
Adventure (and eagerness to explore).
Trusting and Trustworthy ( Each partner needs to feel safe, .. emotionally and physically)
Thrust (physically fit).
Beauty ( but remember every woman is beautiful to a man while he is plugged in. Women you would be amazed at how literally true this is)
Genuine, (Looks me in the eye).
Emotionally Expressive. (Still has his little boy in him or for her can squeal with happyness sometimes)
Takes no for an answer. (without the histrionics).
Needs me sometimes. (and guys .. this goes both ways)
Likes people (no raging introverts please)
Gets my humor. (can laugh and make jokes or see humor )
Is strong or gentle as needed (ladies this goes for you too).
Can both listen and talk without trying to change me (not overly judgemental).
Confidence (willing to push his/her own comfort level. Concete and confidence are NOT the same thing.)
Joy (a sense of joy and laughter).
Adventure (and eagerness to explore).
Trusting and Trustworthy ( Each partner needs to feel safe, .. emotionally and physically)
Thrust (physically fit).
Beauty ( but remember every woman is beautiful to a man while he is plugged in. Women you would be amazed at how literally true this is)
Genuine, (Looks me in the eye).
Emotionally Expressive. (Still has his little boy in him or for her can squeal with happyness sometimes)
Takes no for an answer. (without the histrionics).
Needs me sometimes. (and guys .. this goes both ways)
Likes people (no raging introverts please)
Gets my humor. (can laugh and make jokes or see humor )
Is strong or gentle as needed (ladies this goes for you too).
Can both listen and talk without trying to change me (not overly judgemental).
I really like your insight. Have you found that person yet? I know I have not. Does that make me a bad partner? I don't think so but it keeps me looking. I get more sexually aroused by talking and imagining, then when the time comes it is either great sex or not so great. I find that sometimes talk is better than the physical act. As for fitness, I am over weight but healthy and though I might not be able to get my legs over my head as I used to, I still can do it far enough to enjoy deep penetration. I think that as long as both are happy in the mind, they can be happy in the sex. I will keep in mind what you have said here. Maybe open your eyes to me sometime lol. ;) Very nicely written and totally enjoyed every word.
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